Nearly all (97%) U.S. homes own at least one
television. TV is part of most of our daily lives,
and most people have a favorite show…or
three or four. TV shows are lled with story
lines related to sexuality, relationships, and
reproductive health — everything from sex
and pregnancy to unhealthy relationships and
gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues.
Watching TV with your children can help you
have honest conversations about these topics.
You can use storylines to spark conversations
and nd out what your child thinks and how
they might behave if they were faced with the
same situation. You can also share your values,
expectations, and hopes for them.
Using TV to Talk with Your
Children about Sex
The
Talk Show
The Talk Show: Using TV to Talk With Your Children about Sex 2
STEP 1
Find out which shows your kids are watching and gure out a time to watch with them when you won’t be distracted.
Ask open-ended questions about what they’re watching instead of yes/no questions to get a conversation going.
Here are some general questions you can start with:
• What is this show about? What do you like about it?
• What do you think about what’s happening in the show right now?
• How realistic are the situations in the show? Do you know anyone in a similar situation? If so, how are they
handling it? What do you think about how they are handling it? What would you do?
• Which relationships in the show are healthy and which are unhealthy, and why?
STEP 2
Get more specic about what’s happening on the show, and listen carefully to what your children say. This is an
important opportunity to talk about your thoughts and values. Share your expectations and hopes for them if
they were in a situation similar to what’s happening on screen or use the show as a jumping-off point to talk about
related issues.
When You See
Romantic
Relationships
When You See Sex
or Sexual Activity
ASK:
• How do they treat each other? Why are they together? How do
they communicate?
• What do you think about how they treat each other and how they
settle disagreements?
• Overall, what makes the relationship healthy or unhealthy?
TALK ABOUT:
• What you hope for them in their romantic relationships.
• The relationships you’ve had or have. Children and teens are often
fascinated to hear more about their parents’ dating history.
• Warning signs of unhealthy relationships, and the fact that one in ten high
school students has been physically hurt by a dating partner. What to do
if you ever feel scared, threatened, or are hurt by your romantic partner.
ASK:
• Do you think the sex on this show is realistic? Why or why not?
• How did the characters know they were ready to have sex? What factors did
they consider in making that decision? What factors would you consider?
How would you know if you were ready? Who would you talk to about it?
• What do the characters expect from each other? What are the
disadvantages and advantages of having sex?
TALK ABOUT:
• Your values about when sex is appropriate. Be specic — do you believe
sex is only for marriage? Is only for adults? Is OK for older teens as long as
the relationship is a strong and loving one? Many parents aren’t specic
enough — your teen won’t know what you expect from them unless you’re
direct and specic.
The Talk Show: Using TV to Talk With Your Children about Sex 3
• The complex emotions that can go along with having sex.
• What the advantages and disadvantages are of having sex. Talk with them
about these things and help them think through what the right decision is
for them right now.
• What real sex looks like versus sex on TV, including how in real life people
don’t look perfect all the time and they don’t automatically know what
the other person wants. In real life, couples don’t go from kissing to sex
in one minute. There has to be communication between partners. And in
real life, most teens aren’t having sex — the average age of rst sex in the
U.S. is 18.
• Preventing unintended pregnancy with birth control — the different
methods and where they can get birth control.
• Using condoms with birth control to avoid STDs.
• Getting tested for STDs.
When You See a
Pregnancy
ASK:
• How does this character feel about being pregnant? Who did she tell
about the pregnancy?
• What are her options and what is she considering doing? How does reality
compare with what they’re showing on this show?
• How would getting pregnant affect your life right now? What would you do?
TALK ABOUT:
• Ways to prevent pregnancy with birth control.
• When you think the right time for your child to become a parent is.
• What your child needs (good job, education, home, partner, etc.) before
becoming a parent.
• Your beliefs about what he/she should do if he got someone pregnant or
she got pregnant right now.
When You See Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual, or
Transgender (LGBT)
Issues
ASK:
• How realistic do you think this character’s experience is? What are different
experiences someone might have in real life as an LGBT person?
• What are the challenges that this character faces because of his/her sexual
orientation or gender identity? How is he/she being treated? What do you
think about that?
• What gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender people do you know?
What are their lives like? How supportive is your school for LGBT students?
What can you do to be supportive?
TALK ABOUT:
• How LGBT people can be just as diverse as everyone else — they’re not
all the same.
• How discrimination affects LGBT people, including bullying, self-esteem,
and legal obstacles in adulthood like not being able to get married, get a
job, or nd housing.
• How to support people who are LGBT by joining a Gay-Straight Alliance
at school, standing up for LGBT people at school who are bullied, or just
being a good friend.
The Talk Show: Using TV to Talk With Your Children about Sex 4
When You See
Peer Pressure
ASK:
• What made the character do that? What do you think about what they did?
What would have happened if they didn’t do that?
• What would you do if faced with a similar situation? How would you say
no to someone pressuring you to do something sexual that you were not
comfortable with?
• What do you think about people who pressure others to do things they’re
not comfortable with?
• What are some ways to tell that someone might be uncomfortable about
what you are suggesting?
TALK ABOUT:
• What peer pressure looks like as a child, teen, and adult.
• Ways your child can say no to sex or something else they’re not
comfortable with.
• Ways they can get out of a peer pressure situation safely.
• Recognizing when someone is uncomfortable.
• The importance of accepting when someone does not want to do something.
When You See Texting
or Social Media
ASK:
• Have you or a friend ever sent a text or posted something on a social
media site that you’ve regretted? What happened? What could
have happened?
• What kinds of things do you think are OK to text or share and what kinds
of things aren’t?
TALK ABOUT:
• Protecting your privacy and how little control you have of photos, videos,
and posts once they are shared.
• That sending nude or semi-nude photos — even of yourself — is illegal for
minors in many places. Even when it isn’t illegal, these kinds of pictures
often end up getting shared with people who were not meant to see them
and can lead to a lot of problems.
• The fact that only 1 out of 5 teens have ever sexted, so most teens
aren’t sexting.
ASK:
• Why do you think this character feels the way they do about their body?
What causes someone to feel good or bad about their body?
• What do you notice about most of the people on TV — are their bodies
typical of most people? What do you think actors and actresses do to look
like they do?
• Do your friends talk about their bodies in negative or positive ways? How
does that make you feel?
TALK ABOUT:
• The fact that bodies come in many different shapes and sizes, and that’s
normal. The average size in the U.S. is 5’4” tall and 166 lbs. for women, and
5’9” tall and 196 lbs. for men.
When You See Issues
of Body Image or
Unrealistic Beauty
Standards
• The messages we receive about the way men and women “should”
look from media and peers are often unrealistic and tend to make us
feel inadequate.
• How models’ and actors’ body types usually do not look like the average
person’s. People on TV need to look a certain way as part of their jobs
and they often have to make a great effort to stay in shape. In addition,
their bodies are sometimes cosmetically or surgically enhanced, and their
images are often changed.
• Maintaining a healthy body image — including keeping a list of their
positive qualities that don’t have to do with appearance, how to treat
their body with respect and kindness, and surrounding themselves with
supportive, respectful people.
STEP 3
Keep going! Talking about sexuality is a lifelong process. It’s not something that happens once. You should keep
talking as your children grow and their lives change.
• For more information and resources, visit plannedparenthood.org/parents.
• For games and quizzes for your teen to help them wait to have sex until they’re ready, and use birth control/
condoms once they do have sex, visit plannedparenthood.org/apps.
REFERENCES
Finer, Lawrence B., and Jesse M. Philbin. (2014). “Trends in Ages at Key Reproductive Transitions in the United States, 1951–2010.” Women’s
Health Issues, 24 (3), e271-e279. [Online]. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1049386714000085, accessed July 30, 2014.
Fryar, Cheryl D., et al. (2012). “Anthropometric reference data for children and adults: United States, 2007–2010.” National Center for Health
Statistics. Vital and Health Statistics, 11(252). [Online]. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_11/sr11_252.pdf, accessed September 29,
2014.
Kann, Laura, et al. (2014). “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance — United States, 2013.” MMWR, 63 (No. SS-4). [Online]. http://www.cdc.gov/
mmwr/pdf/ss/ss6304.pdf, accessed September 29, 2014.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. (2008). Sex and Tech: Results from a Survey of Teens and Young Adults.
Washington, DC: National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. [Online]. http://thenationalcampaign.org/sites/default/
les/resource-primary-download/sex_and_tech_summary.pdf, accessed September 29, 2014.
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